In fact, when I was talking to friends about how I wanted one, several people turned up their noses saying, “I like big dogs,” or “that’s not a dog for a man. That’s a girl dog.”

What a load of BULL💩!

Calvin Benjamin Petersen weighs a whopping 35 pounds. Yes, in part due to us snoozing on the couch together probably a little too much, but hey, it’s winter! Bite us! (No, don’t do that Calvin will enjoy it too much…. and so would I).

After seeing Calvin’s beefy pectoral muscles, and rippling, creamy thighs… I realized that male french bulldogs can actually be sizeable CHONKbeasts!

The American Kennel Club website says that male french bulldogs can get up to 28 pounds, but Lord Chonkington up here laughs in Jabba the Hut at that number. He’s big, he’s beefy, and he’s a boy dog. He’s a great boy dog in fact, and here are some other reasons why french bulldogs can be a manly breed.

1. BRAWNY BOYS

French bulldogs are muscle-bound beasts. Of course they are, they’re bulldogs! Their mighty paws are big for their size. They may not be very tall, but that only hides the fact that their undercarriage and jibbly bits contain ginormous muscles. Have you ever taken a french bulldog for a walk? Of course you haven’t because you’re not Arnold Friggin Schwarzenegger. A male french bulldog’s muscles on his back and hindquarters can pop out like when you squeeze a balloon.

Don’t believe me? Check out these beefcakes below:

Sure, most Frenchies are not huge like Calvin. But some of the male ones are. So if you want a muscle bound dog that you can still lift into a vehicle or onto a couch, maybe a french bulldog is right for you?

2. They can help you pick up chicks

It’s no secret that a cute dog is going to get you more attention from the ladies. You know it. I know it. Everybody knows it.

I will say however, in my experience that it didn’t work. The few times I’ve run into a woman when I was walking Calvin they only paid attention to him. They wanted to know his name. Basically he was so cute that they didn’t even look up at me. So this can backfire fellas, beware. Maybe get the second cutest dog in the litter?

3. Alarm System!

One thing I don’t have to worry about anymore is anyone sneaking up on me at the house. Whenever someone gets within a few yards of my front door, Calvin’s barking like a maniac. That’s great for me, and great for any man who wants to guard his property like a king, bad for any intruders though.

Yeah we know that our french bulldogs are more likely to lick the bad guy than rip out their jugular, but hey that’s papa’s job. A good frenchie is a great companion to any man whose property may be under siege! “Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition! Thanks for the warning, pup! Now stand back and watch daddy put little holes in things! BLESS UP!”

4. They’ll help you live longer

Yes it’s commonly known that french bulldogs are not the breed if you’re wanting something to go jogging with, but let’s be honest, how many of you men are jogging? You want to jog get a shepherd. But you don’t want to jog, do you? You want to sit your ever expanding butt on the couch after work a good amount of time. Yeah you know you SHOULD be jogging, but you won’t. Still, you’re not a horrible toad creature, entirely sedentary, a horrible blubbery mess… right? (If you are I’m sorry these are just bull💩 comments).

You’re a man, and you need SOME exercise. Well a french bulldog is great for that if your idea of exercise is walking for twenty minutes. They’re very active when they’re young, and will help get you off the couch more frequently than you were before. Walking is maybe the best form of exercise there is! And if a dog can help be a good motivation for you to spend a little less time bingeing Netflix or slaying N00bs online, all the better. Plus, after you’re done, that frenchie is going to slide right up next to you on the couch and give you that face while you eat pizza with the new girlfriend you met because of your dog.

My Calvin was a trooper when I took him on canoe and camping trips last summer! Even though he was still pretty young, he loved burning off all the energy he could running through the woods near our cabin. I could barely keep up! He’s definitely getting me off the couch more, and I think a frenchie could do the same for you guys.